Stop Knocking On My Fuckin' Door!
*** Disclaimer: I take full responsibilty for all offensive, non-diversified, narrow-minded, and sterotypical statements I make....but they're my opinions.*****
Ok....so...like I explained when the Good Humor man rolled through last weekend....I don't live in the hood. However, the saying goes..."You can take the girl out the hood, but you can't take the hood out the girl!" Well....ummm.....if you knock on my door...you'd better cover your ears and duck!
Friday evening.....
Let's me set the stage for my emotional state:
1. I'm beyond pissed from sitting in traffic around the fucking beltway for an hour...so my road rage had not worn off yet. (I hate the fucking motorcycle riders!)
2. I had a conference call at the end of the day that consisted of: "Hi..who just joined. Ok...alot of people couldn't make it today...so we're re-scheduling the call for 9:00a on Monday. Have a good weekend!" WHAT THE FUCK! I stayed at work an hour longer than I wanted to for "WHO THE FUCK JUST JOINED...AND WE'LL RE-SCHEDULE FOR MONDAY!"
3. Black Maggie was out front with Mrs. Strange-ass pulling up dandelions and throwing them on the sidewalk. Her little ass is starting early and trashing the community. (I'm writing the homeowner's association once I get done with this!
4. Yep...you guessed it....I had to pee. :-)
So...I get in the house and handle my business. As I'm washing my hands....my doorbell is ringing. (I think to myself...who the fuck is this!) The sun was beaming hard as shit...so I could barely see whoever it was out the peephole. I opened the door (security door is still closed and locked) to be greeted by two N'Sync looking white boys. I giving up my "what the fuck do you want" mug. And...here we go:
N'Sync #1: Hi.
Me: Hi.
N'Sync #2: Do you have a few moments to talk to us?
Me: No.
N'Sync #1: Well...we wanted to share some literature with you.
Me: That's OK...I'm not interested.
N'Sync #2: Is there a better time for us to come back.
Me: No.
N'Sync #1: Are you familiar with the Church of Latter-day Saints?
Me: Yep.
N'Sync #2: Well...we'd like to talk to you more about it.
Me: Look (rolling my neck) you stand before me trying to pass the word and speaking plain English. I, too, know English and just said I'M NOT INTERESTED. The fact that you continue to stand here, imposing your will, is a true testament that you don't respect me. Soooooooo....let's be good Christians..and turn around...go down the steps and peacefully remove yourselves from my property. HOLLA (while slamming my door!)
Now...I'm not going to go any deeper than the conversation I had with N'Sync...but - DAMN!! Give me a break. No means no..right. So why do the Mormons try to mentally rape you!
But - WAIT - there's more.....just like WWF Wrestling...I got hit with a tag team!
Before I could open the fridge to grab a soda...the damn door rang again. I swung it open and yelled, "STOP KNOCKIN' ON MY FUCKIN' DOOR!!" Yes, I had lost my mind..but so damn what. However, it wasn't N'Sync...this time.....it was Mr. and Mrs. Watchtower. Before my 'brotha' could get a word in...I had to break it down for him.
"Ahem (clearing my throat and taking it down a notch to a low yell). Do I believe in GOD? Yes....but it's my GOD - not the one you're about to tell me about. Am I saved? By what - so no. Am I ready to be saved? I'm not lost. Do I know that Jesus died on the cross for my sins? Nope..I don't believe in that. But what I do believe in is a right to go to work, come home, close my door, and not have it knocked on. Holla (this time slowly closing my door!"
Mr. Watchtower: "Wait...sista. Just take thi....."
beep, beep, beep beep....I punched in my 4-digit alarm code, mixed some Pattron with my soda...and went to chill.
Ok....so...like I explained when the Good Humor man rolled through last weekend....I don't live in the hood. However, the saying goes..."You can take the girl out the hood, but you can't take the hood out the girl!" Well....ummm.....if you knock on my door...you'd better cover your ears and duck!
Friday evening.....
Let's me set the stage for my emotional state:
1. I'm beyond pissed from sitting in traffic around the fucking beltway for an hour...so my road rage had not worn off yet. (I hate the fucking motorcycle riders!)
2. I had a conference call at the end of the day that consisted of: "Hi..who just joined. Ok...alot of people couldn't make it today...so we're re-scheduling the call for 9:00a on Monday. Have a good weekend!" WHAT THE FUCK! I stayed at work an hour longer than I wanted to for "WHO THE FUCK JUST JOINED...AND WE'LL RE-SCHEDULE FOR MONDAY!"
3. Black Maggie was out front with Mrs. Strange-ass pulling up dandelions and throwing them on the sidewalk. Her little ass is starting early and trashing the community. (I'm writing the homeowner's association once I get done with this!
4. Yep...you guessed it....I had to pee. :-)
So...I get in the house and handle my business. As I'm washing my hands....my doorbell is ringing. (I think to myself...who the fuck is this!) The sun was beaming hard as shit...so I could barely see whoever it was out the peephole. I opened the door (security door is still closed and locked) to be greeted by two N'Sync looking white boys. I giving up my "what the fuck do you want" mug. And...here we go:
N'Sync #1: Hi.
Me: Hi.
N'Sync #2: Do you have a few moments to talk to us?
Me: No.
N'Sync #1: Well...we wanted to share some literature with you.
Me: That's OK...I'm not interested.
N'Sync #2: Is there a better time for us to come back.
Me: No.
N'Sync #1: Are you familiar with the Church of Latter-day Saints?
Me: Yep.
N'Sync #2: Well...we'd like to talk to you more about it.
Me: Look (rolling my neck) you stand before me trying to pass the word and speaking plain English. I, too, know English and just said I'M NOT INTERESTED. The fact that you continue to stand here, imposing your will, is a true testament that you don't respect me. Soooooooo....let's be good Christians..and turn around...go down the steps and peacefully remove yourselves from my property. HOLLA (while slamming my door!)
Now...I'm not going to go any deeper than the conversation I had with N'Sync...but - DAMN!! Give me a break. No means no..right. So why do the Mormons try to mentally rape you!
But - WAIT - there's more.....just like WWF Wrestling...I got hit with a tag team!
Before I could open the fridge to grab a soda...the damn door rang again. I swung it open and yelled, "STOP KNOCKIN' ON MY FUCKIN' DOOR!!" Yes, I had lost my mind..but so damn what. However, it wasn't N'Sync...this time.....it was Mr. and Mrs. Watchtower. Before my 'brotha' could get a word in...I had to break it down for him.
"Ahem (clearing my throat and taking it down a notch to a low yell). Do I believe in GOD? Yes....but it's my GOD - not the one you're about to tell me about. Am I saved? By what - so no. Am I ready to be saved? I'm not lost. Do I know that Jesus died on the cross for my sins? Nope..I don't believe in that. But what I do believe in is a right to go to work, come home, close my door, and not have it knocked on. Holla (this time slowly closing my door!"
Mr. Watchtower: "Wait...sista. Just take thi....."
beep, beep, beep beep....I punched in my 4-digit alarm code, mixed some Pattron with my soda...and went to chill.
posted by a.Marie at 1:18 PM
8 Comments:
I just wanted to say...I do believe in GOD...but bamma's need to stop knockin' at the door!!!1
lmao those jehovas witnesses kill me. I swear they stalk the shit out of you an try to get you to cross over to their side. wtf.
good luck on the blogging scene.
LOL@u...man you are funny as hell!
As usual, funny funny funny!
LOL @ NSync #1 and #2.
LMAO!!! The Jehovah's be killin me...for one thing they say only 144,000 people are getting into heaven and that in fact heaven is almost full (only a couple slots left) so if that's the case why they still knockin on cats doors? If your heaven is almost full then I'ma try my look in a place where the heaven got an infinite number of vacancies.
But what really got me trippin is these cats (da latterdays and the jehovah's) coming to your crib during the work week...I thought that mess was strictly for sunday's...glad I live in a gated community. We don't allow the jehovah's or latterdays in our spot LOL!!!
There's nothing like hearing a convo via a lunatic...lol...keep up the good post..1
You been tagged Momma...check out my page and get busy LOL!!
Taaaahaaa, I think I'm addicted to this blog....
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